I got chris browned last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
