so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
