How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
