he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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