Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
