In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
