you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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