This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
