i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am naked and annoyed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
