some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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