I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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