in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
