You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
