i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
