it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
