I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
