I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When are your genitals available?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
