I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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