Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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