She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize