im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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