matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
