just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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