Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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