Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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