Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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