in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
