i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
