It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
