Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
