Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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