Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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