You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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