I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
