I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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