Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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