Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
