the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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