i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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