He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
