Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
