I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
