I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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