You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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