i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
