i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
