WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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