If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
