I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
