it's too hot outside to masturbate.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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