I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
