his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
