Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
