I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
did you just send me my own nude
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
