then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
