Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
