do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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