im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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