oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Randomize
